After 248 years, we did it! Hallelujah, say GeeSUS!
The votes are finally in, and we did it! For 248 years, America has been looking for someone with just the right qualifications to take this nation to the next level. And no wonder it took so long. The requirements were that he had to be a serial adulterer, serial draft dodger, serial money launderer (with greater than or equal to six bankruptcies), would fleece American taxpayers, peddle influence, take bribes from foreign powers, lie as he breathes, be convicted not just once as a felon but 34 times guilty of tax fraud, bank fraud, insurance fraud, and rape (penalized $500 million), who stole hundreds of Top-Secret documents from the U.S. Department of Defense (less those he gave to Putin), and to top it off he must have engaged in seven illegal conspiracies to overthrow the Constitution and been impeached not just once but a record twice.
No way could we possibly find someone qualified to take this country to the next level beyond a mere democratic republic. And yet, after 248 years, we found all this in just one guy. What a resume! Plus, to make this old country feel young again, he’s got the temperament of a two-year-old and speaks just as clearly with every bit as much mental horsepower. We can really relate to this guy. Given we’ve redefined immorality as moral, this fellow is also a fine “Christian” to boot!
What luck. But luckier still is that this great nation could produce 72,656,363 people educated enough, astute enough, discerning enough to distinguish all these skills concentrated between the boundaries of a 72-inch waistline. Isn’t that terrific?
We Americans, we ain’t sTupid. We know what matters. What’s more important, some silly, run-down, 3rd rate banana republic like ours or inflation? What matters more, the planet or the price of a gallon of gas? Democratic republics are passé, man. The whole world is leaving democracy like it’s running from a dead skunk. Mussolini was the first to say, “Drain the swamp and Make Italy Great Again!” Well, we can do the same here and more. We just made America a fascist kleptocracy!
U…S…A! U…S…A!
